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Hi people! Roni here.
One and a half months have already passed since I came here, which means it’s time for me to make my mid-term evaluation post! Exciting times…
I came here from Finland at the beginning of January, basically right after graduating high school in Finland. I had a lot of time between graduating and getting into university, so I thought I’d go do some volunteering work in the meantime. I’d been interested in working abroad for a while. This felt like a great opportunity to focus on doing good for other people and hopefully learn new things about myself in the process.
And oh my goodness gracious… Smokinya and Mrachenik have DELIVERED when it comes to new experiences and self-development I’m not exaggerating when I say I feel like a different human being compared to who I was in January.
Firstly, I’ve learned to be a lot more independent. Back home I still lived with my family, more or less 300 meters away from the metro station, which could basically take you anywhere you needed to go. If anything broke, you’d either buy a replacement or call someone to fix what broke. All of the organisation and financing required for keeping the fridge stocked and the house clean was done by my parents. Even if food did run out of the house, you’d simply walk to a nearby 24/7 supermarket to get some more.
Here in Mrachenik basically all of that convenience is gone. Broke a shelf in the house? It’ll stay broken until you do something about it. Forgot to buy butter from the store? No butter for you until next week. Want a warm room before you go to sleep? Put the stove on girl! The contrast is significant, but it’s been an amazing opportunity to learn not to need to rely on my parents. The money management, housekeeping and cooking I’ve been learning here will be skills that I cherish for the rest of my life.
Besides, I get to buy as much yoghurt as I want now >:) You can’t stop me mom!!
(this image is in no way relevant to what I’m talking about, but I think it’s a really cool mug)
This relates in some sense to independence, but another thing I feel I’ve learned is not to be lazy. I wouldn’t say I was a lazy person back home, but there were definitely things I could’ve done better, such as cleaning my room, doing my homework on time, stuff like that.
Here no one will tell you off if you don’t study that much, or work out, or eat healthy. But that lack of an authority figure telling me to take care of myself has made me realize it’s primarily me who suffers if I don’t. As I’d like not to suffer needlessly, I’ve decided I’ll eat healthy and work out, even if nobody else cares about me doing that.
Another source of needless suffering which I’ve worked on here is dealing with your emotions as they come up. I’m lucky in the sense that I’m generally a fairly happy human being. Here that happiness and positivity has taken a significant hit, though. Mrachenik has given me the opportunity (yes, opportunity!) to feel the most alone I’ve ever felt in my life. I’m the furthest away from my friends and family I’ve ever been, in a country where I don’t speak the language, in a village where everyone else is at minimum twice my age.
It’s been hard sometimes to feel like I belong. There’s been a bitter taste of loneliness alongside every emotion here, and pretty often has BEEN the main emotion I’ve felt. No, I’m not as joyous or happy as I’d be back home, but feeling sad and alone has given me the chance to find ways to be compassionate and caring even when it’s tough. And, to nobody’s surprise but my own, even when it’s been at its worst, there have always been hugs, warm rooms, and caring people around to get me back on my feet.
My emotions don’t only affect me, they also affect how I talk to and treat other people. Communication has been an essential skill to develop now that I live with people I haven’t known for literally my whole life. Nowadays I’m a lot more comfortable telling people if I don’t have enough energy for an activity or if something they do bothers me. Old me would’ve just kept their mouth shut and held a grudge about it for god knows how long.
Asking for help has also become a lot easier. It’s something that I only did rarely before, not solely because of shame or pride, even though those have played no small part either. Old me simply didn’t need help with most things. I had my own routines and solutions and new problems hadn’t come up in a while. In Mrachenik, again, this is not the case at all. There’s constantly something new to learn: every week has its own challenge, internal or external, sometimes both. It’s hard, but I’ve tried my best to ask for help from others when I’ve needed it, whether that be a hug to help with the loneliness, or guidance on how to make a website post. I don’t know where I’d be if I hadn’t asked for help with anything, but I’m fairly certain it wouldn’t be anywhere good.
So, there’s a lot I’ve learned, and a lot to be grateful for. I’d be lying, though, if I told you everything here has been positive.
Firstly, exercise has been a challenge to maintain. Obviously the options in a tiny village aren’t amazing to begin with, and it doesn’t help that the weather has been fairly cold during my stay so far. Nonetheless I’ve tried to keep up a small workout regiment, and have been managing pretty well. The work we do is also often physical, which helps a lot. Still though, working out in the capacity and variety that I was doing back home has simply not been possible. Physical exertion would also help to stabilize my mood, which would be a really nice aid in an already unpredictable environment.
My mental health has also not been the best. It was to be expected, harder situations put a lot of stress on your nerves. Still though, anxiety, dissociation and mood swings have increased significantly for me here. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, having the chance to learn to exist with and accept these states and feelings is a gift. On the other hand, it’s a lot of extra mental work for me to do, which leaves less time for fun activities, hobbies and other people.
Time might be the biggest con for me right now. I’ve worked full-time jobs before, but never while living by myself. After the 8-9 hour work day I might have to wash clothes, cook, clean and put on the stove, which could take around 3-4 hours. I sleep for 9 hours per night, so that leaves 2 hours for working out, calling my friends, practicing singing, reading books, studying Bulgarian, going on walks and EVERYTHING else. It’s made me realize I really don’t have time to do everything I want, even if I cram the day full of stuff.
There have also been some opportunities I’ve missed here, stuff I could’ve done better. Actually, stuff I CAN do better in the future. So what will my goals be for the rest of my stay in Mrachenik?
Budgeting and eating. Sometimes I go to the store and buy the things I need for the week, sometimes I get 4x the amount of stuff and end up with a bunch of waste. Sometimes I eat 3 healthy meals a day, sometimes I eat 1 meal and a box of wafers. My eating could be much worse, but the inconsistency is something I know I could do better at. Eating unhealthy food is directly linked with buying it, so these 2 categories go hand in hand.
Taking care of my hygiene. Listen, I live in a village, okay? I see maybe 6 other people a day, and 5 of them are in the same position as me. DON’T JUDGE ME.
Anyway, in the 1½ months I’ve been here for I’ve washed my clothes twice… I average maybe 1 or 2 showers a week and my room upstairs is not in great shape either. For the remaining time I’m here for I want to take better care of my hygiene and cleanliness. It’s also a part of the “not being lazy” thing I talked about before.
Planning out my week. So far the things I’ve done after work or on the weekends have been very unplanned and free-form. I don’t know if structuring my free time will be advantageous or cause anxiety, but I’d like to try it out, since now seems like a good opportunity for it!
So, for the rest of my stay, I’ll try to eat at least 3 healthy meals per day, with reduced snacking in between meals. I want to wash my clothes more often, at least once every two weeks, and shower at the very least 3 times a week. Additionally, I’ll try to structure my free time some more. Sounds like a plan!
It’s been a long one, folks! If anyone made it this far, I appreciate you caring about my development so much! There’s a lot of stuff I probably missed, obviously, but I’m confident I got the most significant things down!
Thanks for reading again. Talk to you again in about a month, when it’s time for my final evaluation!
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